Hope No one thinks we have 'controlled drugs' here...

Well, we now have a lockable medicine cabinet on the bathroom wall, and all medications are in there including any cat and dog stuff.

It looks quite smart next to the bathroom cabinet......the only thing is, because it has a key it looks like someone who lives here is on methadone or something :-)

Now I actually know exactly what I need to order prescription wise too.

Why Anonymous?

Anyone reading this blog will have realised that I'm keeping things anonymous. 

My reasoning for this is that as I intend to continue with the blog during any future matching process and subsequent adoption.

I wanted to have a blog that didn't pose any risk to a child or reveal the child's back ground in any way that could be a potential risk. 

However, I didn't want it to be a secret blog, because what would be the point blogging to a select few people when someone could benefit from reading my blog if they are considering adoption.

Our Dog's 'Reference'

Today I received a copy of the report that the Dog Assessor has written for our dog.

What a glowing reference! I'm going to type it out word for word because it's so good.


General demeanour in house:

When I arrived at the house I was met in the hallway by the dog. He came to me wagging his tail in a gentle manner. I immediately fussed him, he totally accepted the attention that I gave him, despite me being a complete stranger walking into the house. I interacted with the dog constantly during my time spent at the home.


He did not display any nervousness or aggressive behaviour during my visit.


General demeanour outside: Excellent

On our walk the dog was totally unfazed by my presence. This dog responded immediately to any command given. He did not pull on the lead, walking perfectly to heel.


He did not respond adversely to traffic or any pedestrians we encountered.


General overall control: Excellent


The dog responded immediately to all basic commands. This dog is very responsive and has been to training/agility classes. His owner's timing of commands is excellent.


I did not see any disobedience displayed by the dog during my visit.


Risk Assessment: Low Risk


The dog is a neutered eleven year old Collie Cross dog.

He has a friendly, gentle temperament. He is eager to be fussed but does not jump up or get over excited. Good house rules are in place in the family home, child gates are at the bottom of the stairs and on the lounge door.

The dog when commanded will go to his bed under the stairs, when time alone with a child is needed, utilizing the child gate this is an excellent set up for segregation.


This dog clearly knows his place in the family home. The training/agility classes that have been attended have clearly paid dividends.

This kind dog will appeal to any dog loving child. I have emphasised to his owners not to let the dog be overpowered with too much affection.


I made a complete nuisence of myself with this dog, I pulled his tail and twisted his ears, without any reaction.


When I deliberately disturbed him as he slept, in order to assess him further, he reacted kindly, totally accepting the attention I forced upon him.


I have no concerns over this dog's temperament.



The report came with our dog's photo on the front, which I assume is just in case we'd borrowed someone else's dog for the assessment :-)


How good is that report? I'm really pleased.

Dog Assessment

Yesterday our dog had his Dog Assessment.

The trainer who came to assess our dog was really nice, he'd been a policeman and a police dog handler in the past and is a dog trainer.

He covered obvious stuff, like all sorts of questions about where he sleeps, eats, goes to the toilet, is he allowed on the furniture, has he had any training, when did I worm him last, flea him last, have him vaccinated last, etc. All sensible stuff. He poked and prodded and pulled his tail like a child might. We went for a short walk and he stepped out in front of him a few times, clapped loudly, shoved him a bit and observed how he walks with me, how he is around traffic etc.  

He asked me if our dog has ever bitten anyone, or shown aggression, which he hasn't. We discussed that our dog does not like German Shepherd Dogs, but that I know that and handle him accordingly. He's a rescue dog and something must have happened in his past, but, having had him for 10 years, I know him very well.

I think with the first min of him being here, the trainer had worked out that our dog is fine. Our dog listens to us and we treat him as a member of our family, but he is treated as a dog and not a substitute child.

The trainer said that it our dog is a really nice dog, and a dog loving child will fall in love with him. But the nicest thing that he said was that he hopes that his next week is full of dogs as nice and well behaved as our dog. But, alas, it won't be.    

He has been classified as Low Risk (the best score, as all dogs pose a risk).

The Dog Assessment cost us £85.

First Social Worker Visit

Well, I'm behind with my blog already :-)

On Thursday our Social Worker came to see us at home.

She asked us about what we had thought of the course and what we felt we got out of each day.

This meeting was mainly taken up with her checking ID, driving licences, passports, car insurance, car MOT etc, and booking appointments upto the end of Feb.

She also gave us a leaflet of a man who does Dog Behaviour Checks and our dog will need to be proved to be safe for around kids.

For those interested in dates....We will see our Social Worker about 10 times from now until April, in April she will write her report on us, and then in June we will go to Approval Panel.

This sounds like not much was covered, but she was here about 2 hours. 

We have homework (to be done individually).....lots of questions about us, our families, early memories, values etc.....As it's now Monday, I've completed my workbook, and it took a lot of delving deep into my memory :-)

Adoption Training - Day 3

Today has been the last day of our 3 day training course.

We covered 'Safe Caring' this morning, amongst over things, some of what we covered was in relation to sexual abuse and how this can completely change the way you parent a child.

Innocent things like cuddling in Mum and Dad's bed may not be possible or even appropriate. Bath time may have to be done with 2 parents present, both to avoid putting themselves in a potential situation where the child begins to display sexualised behaviour, and equally important, so that they know that they are not expected to be alone with an adult and begin to learn appropriate behaviour.

Maybe I've explained that all very badly, but I think you'll understand me.

We also covered some of how the various 'Inter Agency' work happens, how the child has a social worker, the birth family have a social worker, the agency that is looking after the child has another social worker who acts as a family finder, and then there's the social worker for the adopter(s). I think there may also have been an independent person involved....

'Bridging and Introductions' covered a typical scenario. Introductions take about 2 weeks and are gradually built up of the adopter(s) visiting the child in the foster home, then taking them out for a day, then taking them to their house, all building up to a 'grab and run' exchange, as anything drawn out is too painful for all involved :-(

Some adoptions may be distance adoptions, so a hotel or self catered apartment may be used in place of the adopter(s) house, and the Local Authority caring for the child fund this.

We met and were able to ask questions of '2 Adopters', one was half of a couple (her husband was at work) and the other was a single lady. It was great to see how adoption had changed their life for the better. Even if it had had it's challenges.

We covered 'Contact' and 'Life Story Books' as the current thinking is that a child should have the opportunity to know about his or her past and know that he or she is adopted. It is all very important to a child's identity.

Some adoptions involve 'Letter Box Contact' once or twice a year. This would be through the Local Authority and addresses are never shared. Letters are read by the LA to ensure all is appropriate.
This may or may not be with the birth parent. It may be with a sibling, or an Aunt or a Grandmother. Or it may not happen at all.

Sometimes adopters are given the chance to meet the birth Mother, if appropriate. Although this would be hard, in years to come when a child asks questions, the adopter may be able to answer those questions. It can also help to 'un-demonise' the birth mother (she may have mental health issues or any number of issues that prevent her from being a mother to her child) and it can also reassure her that a nice, normal, caring family will be looking after her child and bring he/she up.

'Life story books' are important. Think 'Memory Box'. Think photos, letters, anything that as an older child or even adult may want or need to know.

Well, that's all I can think to say.....the 3 days have been informative, enjoyable and emotional at times. And the 5 of us in the group all bonded well, and have exchanged email addresses/phone numbers.

The next stage is to meet our 'Worker' (they tend to not refer to themselves as 'Social Workers') on Thursday next week and home and begin the 'talking' process that will help the Worker form our PAR (Prospective Adopter's Report)....

Adoption Training - Day 2

Today introduced us to a new set of Social Workers, one of which, is our Social Worker.

Today's first exercise was 'How we got our name and what our name means to us', which led onto the subject of how, unless there is a very good reason (safety of the child for example), adoptive parents are unable to change the first name of the child.

Adoptive parents can add middle names, and the child's surname changes at adoption.

Legally, from placement to adoption, the child must be known by his/her birth name.

The was followed on by an exercise on 'Identity' in which we had 4 cards to write:

a) Our Name
b) A significant Person
c) A safe place
d) A hobby/how we spend our day.

Then we had to discard one of the above.....this first discarding wasn't too difficult, but when it came to the 2nd one it got a lot harder....

All this is designed to help us see how a child could feel, moving in with us and feeling as if he/she has lost everything it knows.

Our next exercise was designed to help us to understand the importance of 'Protecting History' Keeping Information safe and secure for the child to read and have access to, so that his/her history is not hidden. Photos and information about their birth family, details of why they needed to be adopted, etc etc.

Some of this information may need to be given in a 'child friendly' format, depending upon the reasons for adoption.

We spent the rest of the day covering 'The Joy of Parenting' which covered parenting skills, and positive parenting.

This evening we have no homework and no forms to fill in :-)

Adoption Training - Day 1

The first thing that I need to say about the training course in general is that we have signed a Confidentiality Agreement, so if I'm vague in some areas, that may be why.

There are 5 people on the course, DH and I, another couple in their mid 40's, and a single lady who in her early 40's.

Day 1 covered some examples of the children who are waiting for families.

Some were mixed race, some were sibling groups, some were older children, some were developmentally delayed due to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

The object of the exercise was to make us think about the types of children available and what does each 'issue' mean? Far more details would obviously be needed.

We covered 'Child Development' and how the foundations for a solid future are learnt by a child, and that learning from how the child is treated.

Then we had a group exercise building a wall of wooden blocks for a child who had not had that foundation in life, and how neglect developmentally delays a child.

I'm writing this blog at the end of Day 2, which with hindsight, is a mistake because the 2 days are blurring into one....

We spent the evening filling in the CRB forms and health questionnaire......oh, and searching for DH's driving license.....

The Eve of the Training Course

Tomorrow we begin the first 3 days of adoption training.

The 4th day will be at a later date, further along the adoption process.

We have the agenda for tomorrow, which covers:

Introductions
Reasons why children are up for adoption
The types of children up for adoption
Attachment
Child Development
How Child Development is altered by Neglect, Abuse etc.

I'm looking forward to it, whereas I think that DH is seeing it as a necessary evil :-)

Now, do long jet black nails look too goth? Maybe that will be counteracted by the bright pink pad and pen that I've bought to take notes :-)

Our Application

We received our formal invitation to apply to become adoptive parents on Thursday.

So, this evening (Sunday) we have filled in the application form and tomorrow at work I will scan it and email it before putting it in the post, as there is only 2 weeks until the Adoption Training Course.

Who'd have thought that we have had to put some much thought into what the phrase 'Disposable Income' means? :-)

October / November

The Social Worker, L rang me today.

She says that the agency would like to invite us to submit a formal application and that they will invite us to submit in October.

Then we will be allocated a Social Worker and CRB checks etc started and we will be doing Adoption Training 1st, 2nd and 3rd November.

Meeting the Social Worker

Today we met L, a Social Worker from the agency. She's really nice and we got on well with her.

She asked us about ourselves, families, work, any debts, talked about the adoption process, we chatted for 2 hours :-)

She looked at the house and garden just to get an idea of size of garden and size of rooms (eg: double or single).

We discussed the IVF and infertility and she is happy that we have come to terms with it and made our adoption decision and that we are ready to proceed.

We talked about ages of child and are possibly looking at upto 5 years old, depending on the child and the circumstances.

We told her that we would like to use her agency as our adoption agency and she is going to tell her boss that she is recommending that they invite us to make a formal application.

There are 2 adoption training 3 day events coming up. One in August, which may be full up (she is going to check) and one in November.

I hope she's going to be our actual Social Worker bc I liked her and she even likes the cats :-)

Getting Ready for Tomorow

Tomorrow a social worker is coming to see us for an informal 'get to know us' kind of chat.
I think she also plans to look at the house, so this evening has been spent tidying :-)

Our Adoption Journey Begins

After fertility treatment (including 3 attempts at IVF) hasn't worked for us, we have decided to adopt.

We requested information from various adoption agencies, and the timing was right for us to be invited to an Adoption Evening at a independent Adoption Agency in April 2011.

After having spoken to some other agencies, we both felt that this is the agency that made us both feel comfortable, and that as an independant agency, it has access to more children that some of the Local Council Agencies.

It also happens, by complete coincidence, to be the agency that my Aunt and her late husband adopted my cousins through 40 years ago.

So, today we filled in the 'Expression of Interest' form and posted it off.

We have ticked the following boxes:

Child 0 - 4 years 11 months = Yes
Child 5 - 7 years 11 months = Not sure
Child 8 years plus = Not Sure

One Child = Yes
Two Children = Yes
Three Children = Not Sure
Larger Sibling Group = No

So, we will wait and see what happens, we'll expect a phone call soon, and are prepared that they may ask questions about infertility and ask us to wait 3 months longer, but at least we can try and get the ball rolling, and maybe get the CRB (Criminal Records Bureau) checks done.